OK. I confess, I sometimes think of my children as alarm clocks. The only problem is – you never know when or where they’ll go off. Most of the time they tick along, being cute, helpful and happy, but without warning, the alarm sounds – and there’s no off switch. And it always seems to happen when you’re in public or out with your in-laws.
Once, when my daughter Indi was three, she was so upset after I told her she couldn’t touch a china ornament in a shop that she sat down and screamed. And screamed. And screamed. I tried to pick her up, but she was squirming like an octopus, so I had to stand beside her enduring the scathing looks of other shoppers. When she finally calmed down the owner of the shop told me not-very-politely that we weren’t welcome in his store again! Hmph…
But even though you may want to howl as loud as your child, rest assured there is a better way to deal with it.
Psychotherapist and counsellor, Rebecca Edwards says tantrums are a vital part of a child’s development when they begin to learn to cope with disappointment, anger and frustration. They peak at around two-three years, when children are beginning to talk, but can’t fully express their emotions.
And of course, the best thing for us to do is to try to stay calm – as the calmer you are, the more chance you have of calming your child.
Rebecca says it’s also important to acknowledge your child’s feelings, come down to their level, look them in the eye and tell them you understand they feel disappointed or angry and that this feeling will pass.
This is very soothing for the child – and if you do it often enough they will begin to soothe themselves (well, that’s the theory!).
One of my friends, Liesel, has two sons – one tends to whinge when he’s feeling cranky.
‘It’s like a dripping tap with a really high pitch tone,’ she says. And over time, the noise has the same effect as an adrenaline shot – giving her instant stress. Funnily enough, Liesel’s other son is more defiant and screams – but Liesel says she can cope with that, because that’s how she tends to react when she’s fed up!
So the goal is to deal with yourself and then the tantrum.
And Rebecca adds that feelings like anger or disappointment are looked upon as being negative, but they are part of life. If we can accept this, then we have a better chance of staying calm and dealing with our child’s tantrum – and reducing those red-faced moments in public places!
Katie is a mum-of-three, author and yoga teacher. When she’s not doing the school drop off, pick up or chasing around the shops after an escapee two-year-old, she can be found lying on her back, practising slow, deep breathing! For more information visit: www.yogababes.com.au and www.motherme.com.au
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