As a child I didn't experience bullying, but I did as an adult in my second full-time job. Now I'm a parent, I am mindful of how debilitating bullying can be. I watch and read in horror, stories about children being taunted by bullies and everything recorded on phones and video so they have to relive the experience over and over again. It is heart-breaking knowing some of these children go on to commit suicide.
I approach parenting with the belief that Noah and Ethan should learn how to defend themselves, but on the same hand I want to protect them from anything that would hurt them. When Noah was a toddler I saw what a 'Mummy Tiger' I can really be, as I watched him being bullied in the playground. A much older child and his slightly-smaller sidekick pushed Noah off a slide and teased him, ending with Noah being scared to go back on the playground.
After watching how Noah handled himself for his first few altercations with these bullies, I decided to step in once they pushed him. I had already asked the boys to let Noah have a turn several times and also asked them to stop pushing him. I decided I had to take it further. I wanted to show Noah - and these boys - there was room for all of them to play and bullying was unnecessary.
The older boy shrugged off my requests so I asked him to take me to his mother. She was having coffee with a friend and wasn't even watching what her son was doing. I told her he had pushed Noah and how the events had unfolded. She wasn't phased - she asked her son if he did what I said, he said no and that was the end of it as far as she was concerned. I didn't tell her because I wanted to 'dob' on him, but because I would want to know if Noah or Ethan had bullied someone. It is not behaviour I think is acceptable and would want to do something about it if it was my child.
There were many at the time who thought I was stupid for approaching the boy's mother - some because they expected she would react as she did, and others because they said I was being snobbish. I'm not certain I would react differently if presented with the same situation, even now as a more experienced mother. I know bullying happens, but I'd prefer it wasn't a fact of life. I suffered so much when bullied at work and wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially not my children.
What are your experiences of bullying?
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Johanna Baker-Dowdell is mum to two boys – Noah and Ethan – and combines looking after them with her work as a blogger, journalist, writer and public relations consultant. She owns and manages Strawberry Communications which started small in the third bedroom, but has grown into its own office space (in the converted garage).
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Friday, 23 July 2010