Parenting Australia

Toddlers are smart.  Very smart.  I’m always amazed at how much they learn between the ages of eighteen months and three.  It’s as if they grow into their little bodies as well as their minds.  And it pretty much takes all of their toddler years to work out how to use their newfound physical and mental energy for good and not for evil!  (Ok, that’s a little strong but you get my drift.)

Here are three of the most common toddler tactics and how to combat them.

1.    Tantrums – Not many mums get out of this one.  Some kids only try tantrums a couple of times while others are frequent flyers.  Some kids lose it at home, and some really turn it on in public.  I’ve always maintained when working with children, and while raising my own, that I don’t negotiate with tantrumers.  If throwing a tantrum results in a child getting what they want, they’ll only try it again next time and are likely to go a little longer and a little harder.  Combat tantrums by being calm but firm.

2.    Whining – Toddlers have great stamina, when it suits them, and they can really wear you down.  “Pleeeeease?  Just one?  Pleeeeeeease Mummy..?”  Counteract whining by staying true to your word.  If you say yes, mean yes.  If you say no, mean no.  They’ll give up a lot sooner if they know they can’t change your mind.  

3.    Negotiating – Older toddlers have amazing negotiating skills.  Often as parents we find ourselves sucked into a negotiation with a three year old before we realise what’s happening!  It’s not up to kids to make deals with parents.  We’re the grownups and we need to set the agenda, not the other way around!  If you find yourself inadvertently negotiating with a toddler bail out immediately.  Use the old “because I’m the Mum line” if you need to.  It’s worked for generations of mothers before us!  (Of course as kids get older negotiating has its place.  In fact it’s important for teens... but not for toddlers.)

It’s simple really.  You outsmart a toddler simply by being a grownup.  Stay calm, be firm, say what you mean, follow through with what you say, be the parent.  But oh, if only it was that easy.  On a good day I’m very grown up.  When I’m overtired, hormonal, stressed, busy or unwell I am far less grown up.  In fact, some days I’m decidedly toddler-ish myself.  Those are the tough days.

We don’t always get it right as parents of toddlers.  They have good days and not-so-good days, and we are much the same!  The difference is that we are the ones who tuck them in at the end of the day.  We kiss them on their little foreheads and tell them we love them, even if we didn’t much care for their behaviour that day.  And the next day we do it all again.  Why?  Because they’re the toddlers, and we’re the grownups.

2 Comments

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1. Renee makes this comment

   Wednesday, 28 April 2010

   Beautifully written and wonderfully insightful! As mother of an almost 3 year old I can completely identify.

2. Cris makes this comment

   Thursday, 29 April 2010

   Loved reading your article. I'm a Grandmother raising a 22mnth old & we're heading into tantrum territory, you've given me a few ideas on how to deal with it. Thanks.

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