Testing, Testing... As I’m thinking about which particular boundaries to talk about in this blog post, Noah made the decision for me – he started arguing about whether or not it was his bedtime...Noah is nearly four and has just started arguing in the past few weeks. I’ve watched this childhood version of testing parents’ limits for months with friends who have children of a similar age, wondering when it would be Noah’s turn. Now I have my answer.
It’s not just his bedtime that he argues about, and he doesn’t argue all the time, so we’re never quite sure when we’ll be met with a defiant stomp or hands on hips from Mr Almost Four. Yesterday he argued about going to see Granny (my mother), which is something he was excited about for days beforehand. One day he might scoff down his Weetbix and then the next he’ll say no to breakfast for no particular reason. Or there’s just the standard “no” when we have to leave somewhere fun. His face is so set and his body language is very strong when he says “no” in such a clear voice. Sometimes he says it so earnestly that I laugh, which of course has to be hidden in such solemn circumstances. I’m sure to him the situation is a matter of life or death, but it’s forgotten within minutes. Of course we choose to ignore this defiance and just move on with whatever we’re planning on doing, knowing he’ll follow soon enough. Like all parents we have rules in our household and we know this current rash of defiance is just one of many developmental stages we’ll all move through as a family. But our response to these regular negative answers is probably what is bothering us more than anything. Harvey and I were discussing this last night and commenting how we are now finding ourselves saying things to Noah that our parents said to us (something every young parents swears they will never do!). It’s when limits are being tested and boundaries stomped over that these phrases from 30+ years ago are finding their way into conversation. I’m sure we’ll laugh about the situation once we’ve forgotten how we sound! But I digress. I believe boundaries and limits must be tested. As annoying as it is as a parent when you set them for your child’s own good, how are they ever going to learn if they never test the waters? How will they succeed if they never question? How will they be the citizens of the future without hurdling the boundaries every so often? What boundaries and limits exist in your household? __________________________________ Johanna Baker-Dowdell is mum to two boys – Noah and Ethan – and combines looking after them with her work as a blogger, journalist, writer and public relations consultant. She owns and manages Strawberry Communications which started small in the third bedroom, but has grown into its own office space (in the converted garage). 5 CommentsFeedAdd Comment |
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Tuesday, 09 March 2010
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Michelle, I think computers are definitely an area we have to stand form as parents. Kids will always test those boundaries though, won't they?
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Thursday, 11 March 2010
I agree with your points... if we want responsible children we need to give them the chance to be responsible. They need to make their own decisions with our guidance rather than our demands. Great post. Will RT tomorrow to others via happyfamilies.com.au