There was a time in my life as a mother when a good night’s sleep became an illusion. I spent almost three years praying for and dreaming about a seven hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep. Come to think of it, I would have been happy with only five hours.
The sleepless nights began the day my first child, Isaac, was born. He was a terrible sleeper, screaming endlessly for the first three months. Finally, against all advice and my own good judgment, I tried co-sleeping and it worked wonders. For Isaac that is. He slept straight through that first night and the next and the next. Yet I was not able to get much quality sleep. The constant worry of suffocating my baby had me in a state of sub-sleep – you know, that feeling of being in neither deep sleep nor full consciousness.
Nevertheless, I persevered with co-sleeping until Isaac was 8 months old. By that stage, all hope of intimacy with my ex had been relinquished. Physically exhausted and emotionally starved, both my ex and I decided enough was enough!
And so began my journey with controlled crying. Simply stated, it was a time I almost lost my sanity. I then received a recommendation to watch a video called "Its time to sleep" (and let me tell you, it was indeed time to sleep). Excited and armed with some hope, I finally tracked down a copy of the video and subsequently launched into implementing its strategies of controlled comforting. Lo and behold, it worked. Within two weeks Isaac was settling himself to sleep and was sleeping through the night. Strangely and annoyingly, I continued to wake up every couple of hours for no apparent reason and it took some months before I was able to settle myself into an interrupted 7 hour sleep.
By the time my second child arrived, I confidently bragged to my ex that I would have Mariam sleeping through the night by the time she was 6 months old (I was, after all, armed with the principles of controlled comforting). As if to mock me, Mariam was the perfect sleeper for the first three months. On exactly the 91st day of her life, she started waking up every hour and demanding my attention. Unprepared for the sudden change, I unintentionally developed a habit of breastfeeding her back to sleep, repeating the cycle up to 10 times a night, every night. I persevered with hourly night feeds until her first birthday, by which time I was suffering from acute sleep deprivation.
Exhausted, I finally decided to implement the principles of controlled comforting. To my horror, my darling daughter refused to co-operate and began a new found habit of inducing herself to throw up. Each controlled comforting session ended with Mariam covered in vomit and yet another load of washing.
Defeated, I contacted Tresillian family centres and begged for help. Within a couple of months, Mariam and I were booked in for 5 nights of sleep training. Finally, there was a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.
The big day finally arrived. And to cut a long story short, Mariam began sleeping through the night immediately. There was no self induced vomiting and very little crying on that first night, followed by a 12 hour sleep! I have no idea why the sudden change occurred (and it really was due to very little effort on my part). Nonetheless, I was overwhelmingly grateful for Mariam’s transformation.
Less than a year after Mariam’s Tresillian visit, baby number three arrived. My darling Maya was the most well behaved baby I had ever met. Fortunately, her good nature extended to her sleep routine. I was able to establish a solid feeding and sleep routine by the time she was merely 4 weeks old. By 6 months of age, she was sleeping 8 hours straight and by 12 months that had been extended to 12 hours. I finally felt like I had gotten it right, although I must admit that it was partly luck that I had been blessed with a naturally good sleeper.
Talking to other parents about their babies and sleep routines and reflecting upon my own experiences, I have realised that babies’ sleep issues and solutions are as diverse as babies themselves. Controlled crying will work for some babies. Others will insist on co-sleeping and poor mum and dad are inexplicably forced to patiently wait for baby to grow out of co-sleeping. And there are a fortunate few who have been blessed with babies that really do “sleep like a baby” from the day they arrive.
Have you had any problems with establishing a sleep routine for your baby(ies) that enabled you to get the rest you required? If so, how have you overcome the obstacles you faced and what advice would you give to other parents who are currently facing similar obstacles?
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Ghania Dib is a mother to 3 children – Isaac, Mariam and Maya. She combines being a stay at home mother with working as a blogger, lawyer and journalist from her home office. She loves being a mother and sees it as an opportunity to explore her own inner child. There’s nothing she enjoys more than spending her free time playing, dancing and singing with her children and their dog Milo.
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