Parenting Australia

The Second Time Around

This week I have spent time with a few mum-friends. One is contemplating a second pregnancy and has her eyes open to all that it will mean for her. One is pregnant with her second child, and is preparing herself, her toddler and her home for a new family member. One gave birth to her second child just days ago and is juggling life with a premmie baby and a toddler. Being with each one of these special women brings back memories of different stages of my own journey into second time motherhood.

Catherine Oehlman

In some ways, having a second child is easier. You know what to expect when you’re expecting, and you are more prepared for the shock of those early days with a newborn. But in lots of ways everything is harder the second time around.

The second (and third, and fourth, and however many times you go back for more...) pregnancy isn’t about you. Let’s be honest. There’s no putting your feet up in the afternoon because it’s likely you have a toddler to run after. Sleeping in on the weekends is out of the question because the kids still need breakfast. The shine of maternity clothes has well and truly worn off. Your mid section remembers this whole pregnancy thing and your belly pops right out again. And somehow you have to model healthy eating and not snacking between meals while trying to keep morning sickness under control! It’s tough.

Perhaps the hardest thing to handle though, is the simple fact that no one makes a fuss. Your first pregnancy is so exciting. People start giving you sweet baby things the day after you announce your pregnancy, and you are showered with gifts at your very own yay-I’m-having-a-baby party. Then there are flowers and pressies and cards and more when your little bundle arrives. Whether you love it, like it or simply endure it – most of us appreciate all the fuss. But you only get fuss once.

I often hear mothers who are pregnant the second time around say that they feel like no one has even noticed they are pregnant. I remember feeling exactly the same. My second pregnancy was no less special to me than my first. No less significant, or important or worthy of fuss. But it didn’t cause the same celebration and I found that hard to process.

So I think it’s up to us mums to take care of other mums. We know that every pregnancy is special, and we know that every mama needs just a little bit of fuss. If you have a friend pregnant with a bub other than her first, perhaps you could do something that says to her, “I understand and I’m celebrating with you.” It doesn’t have to be over the top. A box of tea, a new baby outfit, a plate of treats, a pregnancy mag, a card, a meal. The second time around, I didn’t need another baby shower. I just needed a little fuss.

And now I have the opportunity to return the favour.

How did you feel about your pregnancy the second time around? How did you make sure that you were able to celebrate and enjoy your pregnancy?

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Catherine Oehlman is a SAHM currently being raised by a terrific toddler and a curious crawler. Her background in primary education, love of the mothering journey and compulsion for writing collide on her SquiggleMum blog. Cath encourages other parents from all walks of life to maximise the time they spend with their children.

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