The Twelve Week Secret
With my first pregnancy those two bold lines were there instantly. They screamed with certainty the change my body was dealing with before my mind was even aware. I was going to have a baby. With my second pregnancy things weren’t as clear cut. The second line was faint, but there. Just. Barely.
The first time around I loved the secret of my pregnancy. My husband and I were in our own little bubble. Just him and me – and the five week old life we’d created. I went through the daily motions as normal, but things were different because of the secret. (Well, normal apart from a little morning sickness and yawning my way through the afternoons!) We let a few people close to us into our bubble. My best friend... my mum... my sister. At ten weeks, after seeing our obstetrician and having an early scan, we told a couple of other friends and family. But it wasn’t until the “safe” twelve week mark that we shared our secret with the world. With my second pregnancy our happy-bubble burst early. Even without the faint second line I knew I was pregnant at four weeks. But by five weeks I was bleeding. I had anti-D injections. I had early scans. I had blood test after blood test after blood test. There were no guarantees that this pregnancy was going to be... what do they call it? Viable. My head told me to protect myself and expect the worst. My heart told me to will this baby to stay with me. My common sense told me I couldn’t keep this a secret. I needed friends. I needed family. I needed support. I needed prayer. I needed help to be strong. I needed a babysitter for my daughter every time I had another test or appointment. I needed someone to cook my family a meal. I needed people to understand if I didn’t seem my usual self. Nobody can help if nobody knows what’s going on. So we shared our news. We didn’t shout it from the rooftops, but we did let family and friends know much earlier than the first time around. They prayed with us and for us, encouraged us to stay positive and gave us practical help. I bled right through the first trimester and well into the second. We had additional testing and scans, and I continued to have anti-D injections as well. And then I went on to carry beyond full term, being induced at 41 weeks! Last week we celebrated my happy, healthy, handsome little boy’s first birthday. Not everybody’s story ends like mine did. Many, many women endure the heartache of miscarriage. I know that it’s common for couples to keep their pregnancy a secret during the first twelve weeks, just in case. But for us the very opposite was true. We needed the people who could love and support us through it to know, just in case. To tell, or not to tell? That is the question. Did you share news of your pregnancy in the first trimester, or wait until after 12 weeks? Or like me, did it vary depending on the situation? Feel free to leave a comment below. ___________________________________ Catherine Oehlman is a SAHM currently being raised by a terrific toddler and a curious crawler. Her background in primary education, love of the mothering journey and compulsion for writing collide on her SquiggleMum blog. Cath encourages other parents from all walks of life to maximise the time they spend with their children. 15 CommentsFeedAdd Comment |
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Do you remember that moment when the stick showed two lines? Not one, but definitely two? For most of us, that’s the way we discover we are pregnant.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
des
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Like your first pregnancy we were definitely pregnant both times, but there was no way the secret could be kept. My ecstatically happy husband told everyone he knew the day we discovered we were five weeks pregnant with our first baby, so then I had to follow suit so nobody was left out.
The second time I was a bit stunned by the news (actually I was both times) and had a business meeting with a colleague and friend after my doctor's appointment so it came out there. But Harvey had again beat me to it and told some close friends in his office. He worked in a call centre at the time so it was old news within hours!
I understand wanting to wait to share such big news, especially as so much can go wrong in the first 12 weeks, but it just wasn't our way. It just meant we had extra time with everyone to think about what would be when our babies arrived!
Johanna
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Second time I knew within 2 weeks before I even did a test but those lines came straight up! I told 2 of my best friends but thats it as they were the only one's who knew of my miscarriage and needed someone to know in case it happened again. I had an early ultrasound at 10 weeks so thats when I told my family but people I worked with didn't actually find out until 20 weeks when they drew straws to see who would ask me if I was pregnant or just putting on weight !(i worked with mainly a bunch of blokes at the time...not very observant!)
My beautiful son just turned 5 a few weeks ago and is very healthy and happy .
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
My second pregnancy i was sick as a dog, we once again told everyone straight away. I went to my 12 week scan to find there was no baby, my hormones were saying i was pregnant but no baby, no bleeding and no explanation.
my third pregnancy i was once again sick as a dog, I wasn't in such a rush to tell people this time. I couldn't enjoy this pregnancy. even though i felt the baby i just had the fear it would dissapear again.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
I was in such denial during the early stages of my pregnancy that we didn't even tell family until I was 13 weeks pregnant and friends and work until I was 17 weeks!
Christie
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
First time round we told family and friends at about 13 weeks - after we found out we were having twins and had extra testing done to make sure they were ok.
With our second child we didn't tell anyone bar one or two close friends till I was 17 weeks. We'd just been through a missed miscarriage and had early complications with M's pregnancy and I am the kind of person who needs time and space to deal and grieve on my own.
But there is no one right answer... everyone deals with things differently don't they!
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
With my first pregnancy, I found out very early - about nine days after conception, by my GP's estimate. I was so excited that I desperately wanted to tell everybody straight away! But we only told family and a couple of close friends, waiting until 12 weeks before "going public".
However, things like morning sickness or a change in diet can be difficult, if not impossible to keep under wraps.
A few months later, a good friend phoned to let me know she was pregnant. She had found out the day earlier, and was four weeks into term, but she decided to tell everyone immediately. A few days later she miscarried. She later told me that she was glad she had told everyone when she did, because they all understood what she was going through and she didn't have to deal with it in silence.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
It was our secret just in case it wasn't to be. So, I didn't tell anyone till after 12 weeks or more to be. Sadly , our daughter passed away in utero at 26weeks and I learnt there is never a safe time.
With our gorgeous little guys we went down IVF path, told barely anyone in real life (but I shared with my 100's of internet friends for support).
I had an early scare with bleeding at 5wks6 days and only one heartbeat so we waited a little longer.
I told our family at about 8weeks because should any complications, with twins, arise we wanted their love and support. We told our pastor and his wife earlier though because we wanted their super prayers !
Monday, 28 September 2009
Cath. xx
PS - Despina I'm a negative blood type so anti-D injections prevent complications with Rhesus factor.