Parenting Australia

Let Dads Be Dads

When I was a little girl my Daddy was a soldier. In or out of uniform, he had a commanding presence and the respect of many. But when he was with my sister and I, he was just Daddy. Our big, strong, safe, protective Daddy.

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that I was playing with Dad on the weekends, and now somehow life has come full circle. I hear my three year old asking, “Mummy, is it nearly Saturday?!” And if any car pulls up outside in the late afternoon, my eleven month old looks towards the door and says, “Dad-dad?”

Catherine Oehlman

One of the nicest things about having children has been watching my husband become a dad. He’s a great father and I really have nothing to worry about when our kids are in his care. Despite this, I have to admit that I sometimes interfere with the way he parents. I think it’s partly because I am the stay-at-home one who spends all day with the kids, and partly just because I’m a little control freakish, but either way there’s no excuse. My husband loves and wants to protect our kids just as much as I do!

I convince myself that my way of doing things must be the best way, and then get frustrated when my husband does things differently. He doesn’t bath the kids, feed the kids, play with the kids or read to the kids the same way I do. How silly does that seem written down?! I’m complaining about a hubby who is happy to bath, feed, play with and read to our children!! I know that I’m not alone in this though, and many of you will identify with me.

The danger with this is that we can unintentionally set off an unhealthy cycle:

• Dad tries to get involved with the kids.
• Mum tells Dad he’s doing it wrong.
• Dad backs off and lets Mum take over.
• Next time Dad doesn’t try.

Everyone loses in this situation. Mum misses out on Dad’s help. The kids miss out on Dad’s way of doing things. Dad misses out on supporting Mum and on time with the kids. Lose, lose, lose.

I am starting to see how vital it is that we let dads be dads. My husband and I complement each other, and our children need both of us. They need his rough and tumble play, his laidback approach to meal times, his interpretation of stories and his crashing, splashing bath times! What they don’t need is two of me. Dads are supposed to be different.

I’m sure my father didn’t do things exactly the way my mother did. I’m sure there were times she cringed, or sighed, or even rolled her eyes and walked away. But the times I spent with my Dad as a child have undoubtedly impacted the person and parent I am today.

Every now and then, when I see my husband “doing it wrong” (ahem, I mean differently) I catch a glimpse of my daughter’s face. She looks at her father just like I used to, and I know that he is her big, strong, safe, protective Daddy. It’s then that I realise my man is doing it just right.

How does your children's dad do things right but differently to you? Share your thoughts on our discussion forum!

___________________________________

Catherine Oehlman is a SAHM currently being raised by a terrific toddler and a curious crawler. Her background in primary education, love of the mothering journey and compulsion for writing collide on her SquiggleMum blog. Cath encourages other parents from all walks of life to maximise the time they spend with their children.

Add Comment

Name

Email (will not be published)

Personal Web site/Blog URL

Subject

Comment

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Enter the letters you see in the image.

Click to get a new image.