Counteracting Toddler Tactics

Parenting Australia

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Catherine Oehlman

Nobody can tell you what the Terrible Twos are like. You have to experience them for yourself with your own child. And when you do, you understand why the phase is dubbed a terrible one. Nothing is fun about a toddler who is pushing the boundaries.

The thing to remember is that for all they fight us, they actually want boundaries. They need boundaries. Setting boundaries for our kids is part of loving them, protecting them and helping them to grow into balanced individuals. Testing boundaries is part of being a toddler.

Catherine Oehlman

Cloud and Townsend (authors of Boundaries With Kids) liken this situation to a goat ramming its horns up against an oak tree. It butts up against it as many times as it needs to in order to establish the fact that the tree won’t budge. Do you have any idea how many times over the past twelve months I have said to myself internally, “I am an oak tree... I am an oak tree...” while my daughter has thrown a queen sized wobbly?

Toddlers don’t like it a whole lot when they don’t get their own way, but they need to learn that in life you can’t always get what you want. In the process of learning that lesson though, there are a whole truckload of tactics they’ll try out.

Tactic #1 – Tantrums: Tantrums are par for the course in the toddler years, and most of us either get our fair share at home, or out in public. Tantrums can involve the child crying, shouting, screaming, stomping, or throwing themself on the floor because they aren’t getting what they want.

Tactic #2 – Hurting: Some toddlers will resort to hurting other children or adults because they aren’t getting their way. They can push, hit, kick or bite.

Tactic #3 – Destruction: Frustrated by not getting what they want, some toddlers will lash out at whatever is around them. They can throw things, break things, hit things or kick things in anger.

Tactic #4 – Defiance: Some kids will just dig their heels in, literally. With a firm “No!” they can refuse to physically budge.

Tactic #5 – Negotiating: Generally this one appears later in the toddler years. Some bright sparks will try to broker a “deal” to get what they want.

My toddler? Well, she’s given all five a go. Most of the time she is a sweet, happy three year old girl – but she has certainly tested the boundaries and tried this oak tree to see if I’ll budge! I haven’t always got it right when dealing with her tactics, but I have tried to respond consistently, firmly, and lovingly. I remind myself that she is a toddler, and I am a grownup. I take deep breaths, and stand my ground. And on the really tough days, I sneak into her room at night, kiss her beautiful sleeping face and whisper that I love her just as much on the bad days as I do on the good.

Which tactics have your toddlers tried? Are you struggling through some challenging days? Or have you been through the toddler years and have some words of wisdom to share? Come on over and chat in the forum. I’ll see you there!

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Catherine Oehlman is a SAHM currently being raised by a terrific toddler and a curious crawler. Her background in primary education, love of the mothering journey and compulsion for writing collide on her SquiggleMum blog. Cath encourages other parents from all walks of life to maximise the time they spend with their children.