Who's Driving This Relationship?

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Johanna Baker-Dowdell

When I think back to the time before I was a mother, it never occurred to me it would be hard to get a toddler into a car.

I’d seen toddlers throw tantrums and planned how I’d react to those (of course planning for a toddler event doesn’t mean much!), but I assumed my child would just walk to the car when asked. Not the case.

The car issue starts inside the house. I tell three-year-old Noah we’re leaving, and to wait at the door while I pick up his baby brother and the myriad of bags needed for two small children. Noah takes this as his cue to run around the house like a wild animal. So I say I’m leaving without him and he shrieks and runs to the door.
Johanna Baker-Dowdell

We walk out the door and make it down the seven steps to the path successfully, most of the time. Sometimes Noah will refuse to walk down the steps properly, so again I say I’ll go without him.

Once we’re on the path it’s about a 20m walk to where the car is parked on the driveway. This should take a matter of steps in a straight line. Noah occasionally walks down the path and waits at the car door, but most of the time he runs through the front yard into the neighbouring properties, or he will stand at the top of the driveway and refuse to budge.

I let him do whatever he has chosen on that particular occasion while I buckle Ethan into his baby seat and put all the bags into the car. Once that is done I tell Noah to stop being silly and come to the car (or on the odd occasion he’s already there I tell him how good he is and put him in his seat).

He hardly ever comes straight away, and of course I’m usually in a hurry so my voice becomes raised. Eventually he’ll either come of his own accord or I’ll have to physically pick him up and carry him to the car, legs kicking wildly and arms flailing. It can’t possibly be this hard just to get into the car!

And it really isn’t. After telling this story to a few more experienced parents they offered the following tips:

Set up a chart that includes getting in the car in the morning and reward Noah each time he is good at the process with a sticker, and eventually a treat once he’s reached a certain number of stickers.
Keep Noah’s favourite CD or toy in the car to make him want to go there.
Use routine by doing or saying the same things before we leave, such as singing a special song. Give him lots of “clues” that we’re going.

I’m yet to try the second two, but rewarding good behaviour always works better than yelling at the top of my lungs and having him laugh at me. Makes me wonder who’s in control really!

What do you use to get your child/ren into the car? Share your thoughts on our discussion forum.

Johanna Baker-Dowdell is mum to two boys – Noah and Ethan – and combines looking after them with her work as a blogger, journalist, writer and public relations consultant. She owns and manages Strawberry Communications which started small in the third bedroom, but has grown into its own office space (in the converted garage).