Pregnancy: The Best and the Worst of Times

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Pregnancy: The Best and the Worst of Times

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Johanna Baker-Dowdell Pregnancy for me was a time of opposites. I loved being pregnant both times, but I also hated it.

I love the idea of nurturing the child growing inside me, thinking about what sex they would be, what they would look like, what their personality would be. It was a time of great possibilities.

But at the same time, it was a period of wishing everything would happen quicker. I hated the lack of control I felt as a pregnant woman. I felt sick for almost the entire first half of both pregnancies and loathed that I wanted to curl up in a corner rather than celebrate impending motherhood during that first 20 weeks.

Johanna Baker-Dowdell

I hated how tired I felt all the time, but loved the way our baby kicking made me feel, knowing the kicks meant it was growing stronger. I loved that people told me how healthy I looked as a pregnant woman, but hated that I actually felt the opposite a lot of the time. I loved the thrill I got when I touched my growing belly, but hated that belly at night when I couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep. I desperately missed being able to eat scallops, but celebrated that I didn’t feel guilty eating chocolate.

Of course all that I gave up for the short time I was pregnant was worth it when I met my two sons, but sometimes I just resented losing control over my body. Let’s not even talk about needing to go to the toilet constantly and trying not to laugh/sneeze/cough/run because of pregnant incontinence.

Joking aside, though, I took being pregnant very seriously. My husband and I initially thought we’d only have one child. One of our reasons for thinking this was that we considered ourselves lucky to be parents at all. When I was 23 my doctor told me I should have children then if I wanted any, because I had little chance of conceiving with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Obviously I have since proven I can conceive twice, but I wasn’t ready to be a mum at 23 and it took me six years before I thought I would be.

I accepted that I may not be a mother and, so, when we decided we would like a child, this statement was constantly in the back of my mind. I wondered if I could have any children at all, let alone two. PCOS also put me at a higher risk of miscarriage so I was very wary both times until I saw that little person at the 12-week ultrasound.

I found my first pregnancy easier than my second. I’m not sure if it was because I was running around after a toddler, older, the time of year or just a different cocktail of hormones. I didn’t feel I was glowing, like so many others told me they had. But I did do something that I struggle with at other times in my life – both times I was pregnant I actually lost weight. As I am overweight anyway this wasn’t a huge issue. Rest assured, I wasn’t dieting while pregnant, just taking a bit more care than usual with my diet to ensure healthy babies. And both of my sons are healthy and we’re grateful to be their parents (most of the time!).

How did you find pregnancy? Did being pregnant suit you, or were you just wishing it was over?

Johanna Baker-Dowdell is mum to two boys – Noah and Ethan – and combines looking after them with her work as a blogger, journalist, writer and public relations consultant. She owns and manages Strawberry Communications which started small in the third bedroom, but has grown into its own office space (in the converted garage).