Clingy children

Parenting Australia

Ask The Experts

2 Votes

Name: Suzanne
Subject: Clingy Little Boy

Hi there,

My little boy is almost 21 months old and he is extremely clingy. If I leave the room or go out without him he cries and is extremely difficult to settle. We went to a playgroup yesterday and he wouldn’t play with the other kids unless I was right beside him. He wouldn’t leave my side for a second. Always wanting to be picked up. He’s a gorgeous little man but I am a bit worried. I’m just not sure if this is normal behaviour.

I tried putting him into Child Care one day a week but that was a disaster. He wouldn’t eat or drink a thing and was very withdrawn. He cried for Mum most of the time. I’ve taken him out because I couldn’t put either of us through it anymore.

I’m a little worried as I was diagnosed with MS when he was just 6 weeks old and I had attack after attack for the first 12 months. I am currently doing well but with MS you can’t guarantee how you will be tomorrow. I just don’t want to leave him in the lurch!!!

Is my little boys behaviour normal and OK?

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Hi Suzanne,

I imagine this is distressing and frustrating for you.

Lets explore a few issues that may help.

-Separation anxiety generally exists between 7-17 months. However it is healthy to look at each baby as an individual in terms of development and personality. Therefore he may still be genuinely very anxious about separating from you and need your presence and reassurance. I have found the best way to cope with separation anxiety is to offer as many cuddles, touching, stroking, personal interaction as possible and to provide reassurance whenever needed.

-A game that I like to help children cope is to have a partner with you and all three of you are playing in the lounge area. Announce that you are going somewhere (to the laundry, the clothes line, the bathroom) and have your partner distract and reassure your son if he is upset, until he calms and realises that he is OK with someone else and not you. When he is calm (or if he gets too distressed) come back to the room and announce "I’m back!" and resume playing. This is a safe and supported way to help your son understand that he can cope with someone else and mum will return!

-Always be honest with him when leaving and announce your departure and return.

-I agree, If he is too distressed, hold off on daycare of any kind if possible.

-Children reflect our emotions. When we are experiencing stress, pain, anxiety, worry, grief, etc, they pick up on our emotions no matter how hard we try to hide them. Is it possible that you are experiencing a myriad of emotions and fears with your diagnosis and day to day living and at the same time you are trying to be the best mum you can be? If this is the case I genuinely suggest that you see a cranial-sacral therapist for yourself and your son. Look into this in your area.

-Children are not silly, they pick up on everything. Any mum of two will tell you that even when they think the toddler doesn’t know mum is having a baby, the toddler definitely knows something is different with mum and something is about to happen. The toddler in this situation becomes anxious and clingy and won’t let mum out of their sight. They are very smart.

Seek lots of support and be kind to yourself!